Paul & Hell

Got a new phone for Christmas: Its not an I-Phone! Its a U-Phone

For a limited time I can contact the unseen world so I'm all excited.

However I was very upset by a few calls I made to Paul of Damascus road fame:

Listen in and see what you think: I recorded them:

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"Paul: What an amazing blessing:

"No but you see I'm doing this paper on hell and need to clarify a few things:

"That's so kind of you Paul:. Well I'm sure it's an oversight Paul or maybe a bad translation .. but I have gone through all 13 letters you wrote and can't find any mention of hell. 

"Now I believed you when you said that you "did not shun to give the whole counsel of God" so what am I missing here?"

"Paul why are you praying? 

"Oh.. you're praying for me. Yes I can hear again now though the line went a little faint there: Demonic static!

"No need really to pray for me Paul: I go to church every single Sunday!: Even have all the CDs It's the wicked who need help: those who don't understand they are on brink of hell fire for ever and ever: 

"What? Now you are asking the father to open the eyes of my understanding! Did you say my understanding "That I might even get a glimpse of the length and breadth and .... and height and depth ..........

"Paul I have to cut in on you there as this call is costing a fortune: 

Look .. even if you mentioned hell once or twice in each epistle, (26 would be good,) But not even once, not even once Paul .. even in the KJV .. This is not mainstream thinking at all!

"What? You are telling me I don't know what spirit is driving me:  Who exactly are you? 

What imposter is on the line? 

People are dying here in Ireland every day and 90% of them are going directly into everlasting flames ....and you are telling me I need prayer! Sounds like some form of crossed wires to me

Paul? Paul? Why are you weeping? I shouldn't have upset you: You're weeping for me? Why?

Remember its OK for you Paul  as your'e safe in the arms of Jesus in heaven

"I'm wrong again: You're not in heaven! Nobody has yet ascended:

"Have to go now Paul: Afraid I'll lose my church membership if I keep listening to this stuff

Talk again soon brother and ( changed tone) .."may the God of all glory wipe away all those misguided tears" ..

(Sorry I ever got this damn u-phone now: It's destroying all my seminary theology)